Break Free
by SuicidalMonkey
Summary: Eddy's past catches up with him and he is driven to a homicidal state. Rated for violence, murder, suicide, drug use and mild slash.
1. Change

Chapter 1  
  
The Eds have always been a little money-driven and chaotic, but they were never and would never be violent. Or so the kids of the neighborhood thought.  
"Damn, Double D, I can't wait until we're older and everyone believes our scams." The thirteen-year-old Eddy said whilst lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. "Eddy, you know they never will. That's why we make them better every time, but even then they aren't nearly as convincing." Eddy rolled his eyes. His friends were right but nothing could convince him.  
Those years seemed so slow, scamming all summer and then going to school. The trio grew a little each year, but when the day came that they really did become older, they could barely recognize each other. Eddy grew hair and shaved it into a buzz cut, Ed's hair grew in blonde locks to his ears and became a skateboarder, he was a lot more intelligent now, and Double D was a Goth. Wait... a Goth?! His hat had long since been lost and he hadn't bothered to get a new one. Black hair fell over his face and neck, he often had to move it aside. His wardrobe was completely black, except for the occasional white shirt and of course his underwear and he now wore black nail polish. Despite their differences, the three were as much friends as they had been in their youth. The rest of the neighborhood had changed too, except for Kevin, who still was the most popular guy in the cul-de-sac. Sara's hair was much longer, down to her lower back, but still red, her eats pierced three times each, she even had her own band, but she was still annoying and loud. Nazz developed a smoking habit and joined Sara's band, her hair much longer as well. She was dating Kevin, but they grew far apart because of their differences. Rolf joined the swim team and turned out to be a natural. He dyed his hair black last year, and his accent disappeared, well, mostly. Jimmy was still his preppy, bubbly self, except he took extra art lessons to develop his talent, and was not surprisingly a good cook. Jonny still carried Plank around, but Plank had developed an 'attitude' and the two fought a lot. It was true, the cul-de- sac wasn't the same. "EDWARD! Get your ass down here before your damned breakfast gets cold!" Double D hurried to get ready for the first day of his sophomore year in high school. He longed to tell his mom to shut the fuck up, but his manners got in the way. He grabbed his backpack and ran down the stairs rapidly. He shot out the door without taking a second glance at his breakfast, so his mom didn't say anything until he left. "That boy.." she shook her head and chuckled. "I'll never understand him."  
Eddy and Ed were already at the bus stop as Double D ran towards them. Ed stood up and punched his friend on the shoulder lightly. "Hey! Eddy.. There's a new guy!" Ed had moved away over the past 3 years, and Edd was unfamiliar to him. Eddy grinned and put his arm around Edd's shoulder. "Naw, Ed, this is Double D." Ed's eyes grew wide at the appearance of his friend, in awe. "HE LOOKS SO COOL!" The lump, though a lot smarter now, was still the same oaf he was years ago, and hugged Double D tightly. "What happened to your hat, buddy?" Double D smiled at his friend's gesture. "I lost it, Ed. While you were gone." Ed released Double D just as the bus came in. "Well, guys, we'd better head off. I imagine we'll be the least popular set o' guys just like last year." Double D said this in a bored drone, but he didn't mind. He liked freaking people out. Eddy wasn't so sure. "Naw... We'll be the coolest. Right, Ed?" Ed didn't answer. He felt bad that he had to leave for the city, but even worse that he had been quite popular. "Yeah... right, Eddy." He chuckled nervously. They walked on the bus, passing Jonny and Jimmy, sitting together. "Lookin' good, Ed!" Jonny called out. Eddy stared at him strangely, but let it go. He had never known his friend to look very good, or smell that good either. As Double D passed Kevin, he stuck out his leg and tripped him. "Watch out, Dracula!" Kevin was still a jerk. Ed turned back to Kevin and glared at him. "Shut your fucking face, asshole." Kevin was taken aback and turned around nervously. "I was just joking..." Kevin muttered. "Yeah? Well I'm not laughing. And neither is he. So leave him alone." Time seemed to stand still, everyone was silent, nobody had seen anyone stand up to Kevin; let alone Ed. Ed used to be the guy that you could insult horribly and the smirk wouldn't leave his face. Eddy was just plain jealous, he had always wanted to shut Kevin up. Ed glared once more and helped Double D up. "You ok?" Ed was truly concerned. "Yeah. Thanks." "No problem." Anger had been bottling up inside Eddy a lot lately. His friends didn't know, couldn't know, but he was starting to feel homicidal. It probably had something to do with his childhood, being spoiled and picked on by his brother. He never dared tell anyone his brother had raped him at age 6, and was sent away to juvenal hall for years until they thought Eddy could defend himself. It was the root of many of his emotional problems, and even some of his violent outbursts. Repeatedly he would scream in his sleep, "No Mark! I don't want to! Stop!". He would cry just by remembering it. His brother had turned gay years ago, tarnishing his idea of his brother. He hated his brother with every fiber of his soul, but if he told anyone they would find out somehow, and he didn't want to risk it, so he idolized his brother falsely.  
Meanwhile, Jimmy was watching Ed. He had always secretly loved him, but now more than ever. He desired to be overcome by Ed's masculinity. Now that Ed was a tad smarter, he could even have conversations with him. But alas, he knew he was straight, and that killed him inside. He shared his emotions with Sara, but she was grossed out, though she didn't tell this to Jimmy. She gave him advice, but it wasn't the same; she was straight and didn't understand his feelings. Ed would understand... wouldn't he? Jimmy wasn't sure. He was torn apart by this all. He sometimes shared his feelings with Jonny, his best friend. Jonny was okay with Jimmy's sexual orientation, because he knew they weren't going to be lovers. Jonny told him that he should someday seek Ed's opinion by telling him how he truly felt, but again he was nervous and confused. What would he believe? Would Ed be angry? Maybe Ed felt the same? Maybe. But he didn't want to gamble with his own heart. His desires tore his soul to pieces, but he had to tell Ed. 


	2. Heartbreak

Jonny knew his friend was gay, but it never fazed him. Jimmy and he were just friends...weren't they? They had to be. No other way. Last month Jonny had started shooting heroin, and he was starting to feel depressed, like he couldn't go on much longer. He saw Jimmy stare at big Ed, and he put his hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Just wait until the ideal time. Ed will understand, I'm sure of it."  
  
Jimmy turned and smiled at his friend.   
  
"Yeah. I better not pressure myself; the time will come."  
  
Ed noticed Jimmy staring at him. That kid never ceased to freak him out. Jimmy's  
  
retainer was taken out long ago, left with simple braces. He now wore a sleeveless baby blue shirt, silk, and tan cargo pants like before. Some of the younger school girls were attracted to him, but he kept turning them down for some reason. Ed turned back to Double D, still astonished at how much different he was now. Not the same nerdy bookworm he had known before, hell, Edd had even sprouted muscles. A lot of them, too. Ed looked at Eddy. Something about him was different, but Ed couldn't  
  
tell what it was. Eddy seemed more withdrawn and depressed than usual, of course, usually he was cheerful, even angry. But he hadn't said anything on the entire bus ride. Kevin looked at Ed when he looked away, but avoided eye contact. Ed was so much different. He wasn't stupid, and definitely not under control by Eddy. The loudmouth, he had to admit, was a lot cooler than he once was. Wait...he wasn't talking. That couldn't be good. Well, whatever it was, it wasn't his place to go asking around. Nazz say next to him, her arms around her knees, looking out the window. She had been very depressed also these days. He wondered what was wrong. Then, she turned around to look at Ed. Wait... what?!? Oh. She was just looking at Ed, but not in any that she shouldn't. Kevin had grown protective of her, no, controlling. He was also paranoid, every time she looked at the Eds, whom he had to admit had grown attractive, he felt himself grow angry. Damn them...they were the source of his anger and jealousy. But having Ed stand up to him, well, that just wasn't right!  
  
Sara turned to look at Eddy. He had also gotten very hot these days, and the fact that he was her brother's friend made him eligible. They had been fierce rivals in the past, and she feared that would ruin their relationship, if they were going to have one at all. She sighed. He was just in her reach, but he eluded her.   
  
Double D could tell Eddy was troubled.   
  
"Eddy... what's wrong? You okay?"  
  
Eddy was lost in thought about his past, how he had been taken advantage of, how in his mind everyone hated him. He turned to Double D and smiled.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Really."  
  
Double D wasn't so sure, but he didn't want to press the matter.  
  
The rest of the day went smoothly, considering it was the last day of the school year. Of course, there were bumps, like when Edd was attacked by the Kanker Sisters on the way to the bathroom. But at the end of the day, everyone was happy.   
  
Ed sat on the curb, in front of that historical manhole that was always seen in the cul-de-sac. He closed his eyes, absorbing the summer sun's  
  
s rays of heat. The time was 3:36, a time of the day that was exceedingly hot. Soon after, he heard footsteps come near. The light, meaningful steps told him who it was.   
  
"Hey Jimmy."  
  
He said, before finally opening his eyes. Jimmy smiled and sat down next to him.   
  
"Hi Big Ed."  
  
He wasn't called Big Ed much anymore, so it came as a surprise. He continued.   
  
"What brings you here?"  
  
Warm brown eyes melted Jimmy's soul and heart. Jimmy disregarded the last question and gasped in a nervous breath.   
  
"Ed...there's something I need to tell you."  
  
"What? You know you can tell me anything."  
  
After a moment of deep breathing, Jimmy spoke.   
  
"Ed...I love you. I've loved you for...well, a long time. I wanted to let you know how I feel."  
  
And with that, Jimmy closed his eyes, not wanted to see Ed's face, but hear his response. The response never came. Jimmy opened his eyes slowly, tentatively. Ed was horrified.   
  
"G-get away from me. I-I'm straight. Just stay away!"  
  
Ed stood up and ran towards his house.  
  
"Ed, wait! I just wanted…"  
  
Jimmy held his hand out to Ed, but Ed was too far gone. He felt like crying, right there. Depression started to kick in. The rejection was too much. He held his head in his hands, a movement of false comfort, and cried. He cried for hours and hours, just sitting there on the curb, crying. Being rejected was one thing, but now he knew that he and Ed couldn't even be friends.  
  
He made a final decision. 


	3. At Peace

(A lil' info…on the first chapter, Double D is getting ready for the LAST day of his sophomore year, not the first. Sorry.)  
  
Ed didn't dare tell anyone about the conversation he had with Jimmy. No way. His friends might be just a little weirded out, and he didn't want to throw Jimmy out of the closet. After a day or two, he started to think he shouldn't have been so hard on Jimmy. He was just surprised, was all, and he was starting to consider apologizing to Jimmy. By then, it had been too late. But he didn't know it, nobody knew it.  
  
Sara and Jimmy had been best friends since day 1, when Sara and Ed moved into town. His femininity had been simply disregarded as sensitivity, and Jimmy relied on Sara to be his guide to the female world. She taught him to plant flowers, raise children (dolls), and bake. When he had learned, perhaps even mastered, these subjects, he didn't budge. He would be friends with Sara until the day he died, which happened to be the case.  
  
The wild redhead would walk the sidewalk down to her best friend's house. When she got there, she looked at his garden growing in the front yard and noted they were growing astonishingly well. She knocked. No response. She knocked again, and again, still Jimmy didn't answer. He's just being lazy.  
  
She said to herself, and walked in. The door was unlocked, odd, Jimmy always locked the door, for fear of being robbed. She walked upstairs to his room, which was eerily quiet, as was the entire house. Nothing. She walked across the hall to his parents' room.  
  
There, on the bed, was Jimmy, alone in the dark. She smiled and spoke.  
  
"Hey Jimmy, wanna come out and play? The band needs our drummer, y'know…"  
  
No response.  
  
She looked at him. His eyes were dark and baggy, his hair wild and uncombed. But there, in his arms, something she didn't notice before.  
  
He was cradling a butcher knife.  
  
She backed away in horror. He stood up, eerily calm, the butcher knife firmly in his grip. He walked into her, handed her a note, and smiled.  
  
"Give this to them. I'm sorry."  
  
He continued to the bathroom between his room and his parents', still calm.  
  
She noticed his wrists and arms were zigzagged with slashes, blood dripping down his arms. Sara was speechless, she wanted to stop him, but the words wouldn't come out. He closed the door, and she simply stood there, lower lip trembling. She turned to go down the stairs, but before she could, she heard a blood curdling scream.  
  
Rapidly, she ran into the bathroom, and what she saw horrified her soul, polluted her mind.  
  
Jimmy sat on the toilet with the seat down, his head bent upward. His entire throat was slashed to pieces, blood dripped down the side of the toilet. On his face, a smile. A smile. He was finally at peace, and she knew it. But she didn't know what about.  
  
It was something she would never forget. 


	4. Truth be Told

The walk home was painfully slow. Sara kept remembering the look on his face... He was happy. He was committing suicide! How was that happy? If there was something troubling Jimmy, he would've told her…wouldn't he? Questions arose in her mind, one after another. Stray tears flowed down Sara's face. But she wasn't thinking about how he looked after death, more before. How he had slit his wrists, ravaged his body knowing he wouldn't live long enough to scar. How he had tormented himself repeatedly, just to see how much he could hurt. He wanted to project his emotional feelings to the outside…somehow she knew that. She saw him last, saw him dead, yet she couldn't believe he was gone.  
  
'Nothing could ever hurt so much  
  
As being hurt by someone with whom you trust,  
  
Now my inner mystery I allow no one to touch  
  
As the minister speaks, "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust."  
  
I feel my life falling completely apart  
  
I see it happening right before my eyes  
  
I feel only emptiness in this shattered heart  
  
I've been told so many deceitful lies.  
  
How could someone not understand?  
  
How could someone not even care?  
  
I think to myself as I lift the gun into my hand  
  
And I softly brush from these shoulders my hair.  
  
I lift this weapon to the center of my head  
  
Knowing this is for the best  
  
To become of whom live among the dead  
  
To lay this useless, lifeless body down to rest.  
  
It is the only thing that would take away the pain  
  
And from this eternal slumber I shall never wake.  
  
Then I drop the gun, for a reason I can so easily explain-  
  
I am not even worth the bullet it would take…'  
  
The kids of the cul-de-sac couldn't explain, couldn't possibly know.  
  
But Ed did.  
  
It was a parasite, feeding on his thoughts and heart.  
  
It made him cry.  
  
But he consoled himself with one thought: It wasn't his fault.  
  
He didn't make Jimmy kill himself, but he created the pain.  
  
He didn't hurt Jimmy, but he broke his heart.  
  
He didn't tell anyone. It was his secret; his dangerous, evil secret…  
  
As the crowd gathered around the coffin - which was covered, as the body was mutilated - Kevin took off his hat.  
  
Double D stifled a sob, Nazz cried in Kevin's arms, and Sara cried in Eddy's. Wait…Eddy? Well, it wasn't a relationship. He was just consoling the girl. Even though he hadn't had much of a friendship with Sara, he was only human. Ed stood behind the coffin, his head down in shame. He had destroyed a man's life because he was a homophobe. He hated himself then.  
  
Well, a few days after Jimmy's body was lowered into the ground, the town had become a morbid, depressing place to be. Ed, Edd, and Eddy still hung out together, but Edd noticed his friends were acting oddly. He didn't pry; the time would come. The rest of the cul-de-sac was depressed.  
  
Exactly 3 days after the burial, Ed's conscious was eating him alive. He had to tell someone, and that someone was Eddy.  
  
"Eddy…there's something I need to tell you."  
  
"Uhmmm…sure. What is it?"  
  
"It's about Jimmy."  
  
The name of the deceased sent a shiver down Eddy's spine, but he continued.  
  
"What about…Jimmy?"  
  
"Well, the day before he died…he said he loved me."  
  
"And…what did you say?"  
  
Ed looked down.  
  
"I told him to go away. To leave me alone, I didn't want to talk to him. I…I just didn't think two guys dating was right."  
  
Eddy glared at him "How could you? How could you be so heartless?!"  
  
Ed didn't expect this reaction. What came next was a big surprise… 


	5. Depression

(Notice: This chapter is obscene. Don't read UNLESS you're old enough or just like yaoi/slash.)  
  
Eddy's fist was slammed into Ed's face at full force. Every bad incident in Eddy's life came out. It flashed before his eyes…  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
"C'mon, Eddy…"  
  
"No! Mark…just leave me alone…"  
  
Mark hit him. Kicked him in the stomach. Then…Mark slid his hand into Eddy's pants.  
  
Eddy cringed with pleasure. He tried to force himself not to like it…but he did. His brother pulled his hand out and unzipped his pants, standing right in front of Eddy, his penis erect through his boxers. Eddy started crying uncontrollably, and Mark slapped him.  
  
"If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. That I promise."  
  
Eddy nodded, still crying.  
  
"Suck it! Damn, you act like you don't know what to do."  
  
And Eddy didn't. He was only 6. He slid the erection in his mouth slowly. Mark's skin was sweaty, he noticed. The rest was a blur…being sodomized at knifepoint, his mother walking in and slapping Mark. Eddy crying as the cops came and took Mark away…the look Mark gave him as being pushed into the car. The trials…during the trials Mark had glared at him in pure hate…as if it was Eddy's fault.   
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
Eddy imagined Ed as Mark and took all his rage out on him…until Ed started crying. Eddy looked at him sadly and dropped to the ground, he himself crying. The entire rape scenario flashing before his eyes repeatedly. How his father used to beat him with a belt…over and over again…his dysfunctional youth was forever a part of his memories. So he took it out on Ed…who had taken it out on Jimmy…and Jimmy was Eddy's girlfriend's (Sara) best friend. Let alone the fact that Ed had done such a thing to his own sister's best friend. But it wasn't all Ed's fault… poor Ed, his very own friend, was bleeding all over the place where Eddy had pounded his face in and broken out some molars. Ed started rocking back and forth, holding his sore stomach. "Why Eddy…why…?" So they both sat there in the dark of Eddy's room, crying in pain, Eddy's emotional, Ed's physical.   
  
The next day, Ed didn't come outside. He told his mother that fallen down a flight of stairs accidentally, and she forbade him to go outside for at least a day while the wounds healed. Eddy was jumpy and recoiled whenever spoken to. Edd noticed this but didn't say anything, much like he had lately.  
  
These days, Edd was going out with Marie. Yes, Marie. Marie had grown to be one of the hottest girls in Peach Creek, but she turned down Rolf, Kevin, and Jonny, most of the football team, and generally most of the guys in Peach Creek to be with Edd. Edd accepted and as it turned out, they were meant to be. He told her all of his dark secrets, came to her for advice, and in return she did the same for him. So when Eddy started acting weird and Ed was gone altogether, she was the one to talk to.  
  
"Marie, my friends are acting odd…"  
  
"They always are," she chuckled at her joke. "How so?"  
  
"Well…every time I try to talk to Eddy, he jumps. When I ask where Ed is he ignores me. It's strange, he never acts like this. Ed's gone completely, and I'm afraid something might've happened to him."  
  
Marie shook her head. "Do you think Eddy had something to do with Ed's disappearance?"  
  
He looked up at her. "You don't think…?"  
  
Marie said nothing.  
  
She simply nodded. 


	6. Into the Earth

Life in the cul-de-sac was horrible. Ed had recurring nightmares about his friends and family killing themselves - like Jimmy had. But even worse, he was responsible. His conscious was eating him alive, and Eddy had proven to him that he couldn't tell anyone. It was his dangerous secret…he could never tell. Never. His head had been wrapped in bandages for about a week, and he had just gotten them removed. But the wounds on the inside couldn't be removed, never. If he could turn back the hands of time, and be a little more understanding to Jimmy, he would give his own life to do so. At night he would cry himself to sleep over Jimmy, and knew that Jimmy was watching over him angrily from a cloud in Heaven, or Hell. 

Jimmy had left the world in peace, and only Sara knew. In a way, she felt responsible. Responsible for not stopping Jimmy. He was her best friend…right? Of course she was. But was she really, if she had let him die? She had no idea why he had killed himself… all she knew was she was responsible. And she had to repent for the horrible thing she had done.

It was all too real. It was a nightmare…a nightmare that the entire neighborhood wanted to wake up from. A second victim to the cruelty of life had been struck. A second victim left unknown.

As the casket was pulled up the hill, one girl and four boys stood solemnly there in the rain. The deceased's face was unable to be seen, but it all became shockingly true. The one in the casket was Sara…her face blue, eyes closed. The rest of her body was pale and cold, lifeless…it was apparent she had done this herself. Eddy was the first to come up. His eyes were red and puffy, tears rolled off his cheeks and chin, landing on his soaked shirt. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come out. Finally, he just fell onto the casket, sobbing. Ed walked up to his friend and patted his friend on the shoulder before picking him up and guiding him back.

"Baby sister…I don't know why you would do this to yourself. Double D said it had something to do with Jimmy's death…well, I don't know about that. You could've just came to me… It's been lonely around here since you…hung…" His lip trembled and he took a deep breath. "…yourself. Mom and Dad say we might have to move…well, I don't want to leave my friends. And I know you wouldn't want us to leave you here…" He broke out crying after the last word and covered his face, tiny drops of rain falling onto his exposed neck. Time seemed to stand still. It seemed like hours there, yet only seconds…before Double D put a hand on his shoulder. "Ed…you'd better go home now. They're going to bury her." And as Ed walked away, he whispered to the corpse, which seemed to listen…

"Protect us…protect us all."


End file.
